When I Broke Up With Instagram

This was written in April of 2021 and posted on my personal instagram account. I received so many comments, messages, and texts that affirmed a lot of you were feeling similarly so I thought I would go ahead and share it here as well… It’s at least a good conversation starter.

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Hopping back on the Insta for a minute. Not really sure why. Maybe I’ve detoxed enough to feel like I can actually hop back on without having a tiny part of my soul sucked out of me. I’ve been printing books of my photos since that seemed to be the last thing keeping me from deleting altogether ... yet here I am. 

(*side-note: why do we post all of our most precious moments to share with people who look for 3 seconds or scroll past them while our kids don’t even get to see them? 🤔). 

Please scroll on if I’ve already lost you, but I’ve had some convictions flowing deep inside of me for the last year ... on how I want to live my life and what I want to model for my kids... on how I want to spend my moments because how we live and what we give our attention to is what shapes who we are becoming. 

Honestly, my phone usage was a big part of that... an outward expression of where my heart really was... a longing for connection, affirmation, and efficiency. I LOVE feeling like I can do a lot at once, yet I knew I was looking in the wrong direction (literally) and needed to make a full stop. 

So I got off of social media and my life was instantly better. No joke. All the micro decisions we make when scrolling that exhaust our brains, the time filler it was that ended up taking my mind places I didn’t  want to go, the distraction... it was stealing my attention far more than I would like to admit. It was stealing my peace and my time. 

Sure, you can find pockets of inspiration and support and connection to others we all desire as humans. But at what cost? Right under that super encouraging little quote or reminder from someone that you’re right, there’s a bigger monster lurking that’s about to swallow up that little moment of positivity and eat you whole. And maybe you don’t notice the monster because it doesn’t come in a sudden rush of envy or judgement, but a slower process of stealing your time and subtly bringing your thoughts to a place they just don’t need to be in that moment. It’s that classic question “am I enough?” being answered with a thousand tiny or not so tiny little no’s and a subconscious effort to prove that you are. We all want to be seen and known and affirmed that we are enough, and Instagram/ social media provide that false security with a very obscure number of likes that still are never really enough.

There’s certainly a cost with letting go of it as well... I miss knowing what all my friends are doing, I miss sharing in their joys and updates I wouldn’t know about unless I happened to scroll past them. I even miss their birthdays sometimes because I had come to rely on social media to remind me 🤦🏻‍♀️ (how embarrassing). I miss Arielle Vandenberg’s dance moves and funny faces that make me feel seen and known to my core. I miss knowing the latest glaze colors for @jarsofdust. But do you know what, I’ve learned to just text Mal and ask her to send me pics of her recent work, or heavens, ask her face to face! Not being on social media has forced me to bring it in more, know what’s going on with fewer people but in a deeper way. I randomly text friends photos of my “wins” and “fails”... the ones who I know will actually celebrate with me or give me the spot on encouragement I need. I’ve started Marco Poloing with my BFF from college and not telling anyone else I’m on that app. Oops. 

I do miss sharing some of our highs and mundane moments on here because it’s also just fun. (We went to Costa Rica for 2 weeks in March and had the best time! We surfed, saw crocodiles and monkeys, practiced our Spanish, rode horses, and rested our souls. And nobody knew! I found that part oddly invigorating. And I noticed I only took pictures for myself and for our family and shared via text messages occasionally). 

I love Instagram because I loooove pictures. I love taking them and sharing them ... but my reasons for taking them needed a change. I’ve been forced to ask myself “who’s affirmation do I really need?” (Hint: it’s not that person you went to high school with). 

After following my convictions and detoxing my soul a bit, I read the book Here, Now, by Kate Merrick, and poured over every page with tears in my eyes. It spoke to my soul and gave me the permission I wanted to live in the present  and make some pretty drastic changes to how I spend my time. I didn’t want to wait until tragedy struck to really start living the way of peace and being present in the moment. 

It’s not just about getting off social media and then your life is better, it’s more than that! That’s just a good, obvious start for many because it makes space to live more in the present and take inventory of your soul. It’s what you’re ADDING into those moments that brings a deeper sense of rest we all crave. Because what captures your attention is what captures your life. 

More recently I read John Mark Comer’s book, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, who brilliantly questions our constant need for hurry and speed and shows us the beauty found in slowing down. He also highlights the sacrifice and loss in choosing a different pace for your life... and there is certainly a cost. You have to say no to a LOT of good things in order to say yes to the better things. You’re then forced to learn how to seek wisdom and God’s guidance for what those things are, and there is SO much joy and purpose to be found in that.  I think that’s why I’m writing this, because I want to give others permission to do the same. If you’re still reading, chances are you have some convictions swirling around inside of you too, and I’m here to say .... go ahead, just do it. 

I’m still figuring it out and have big ideas that will take time to implement. The photo on the cover of @robbievallad’s recent book expresses perfectly where I am right now .... ideas have been building, there’s so much potential, I don’t know exactly what will happen when that wave crashes down, but there’s energy and power and wonder there. There’s a newness and revival of my soul in the inner-most place and I think I might want to encourage others to come along with me in this specific way. 

I might check back in next week, next month, or never. Not sure. But for now, I hope you are encouraged to hone in on the specific purpose and calling God has for your life. Chances are it won’t include scrolling. (Obviously instagram is nuanced and can be a tool when it comes to your business, but that’s also debatable to me and it’s worth counting the cost. I haven’t figured that one out either). Go for depth, real people in front of you, sustainable, life-giving rhythms that will carry you for the long haul, and find a few people who want to do it with you. Or just do it and others will catch on... too many of us are over-extended, over-tired, and just plain over it, waiting for permission to unplug and live their lives. You gotta look UP first to see what you’re missing. 

*Thanks for reading! Highly recommend snatching up those two books for starters.