You Don’t Have to Wear Those Anymore
Each week at surf camp, as a part of our staff introductions to the campers, we share one “hot take” or unpopular opinion we have about something. All last summer, mine was that crocs (the shoes that are only appropriate for toddlers to wear in my opinion) are ugly. I started by taking a poll to see how many kids owned a pair of crocs. It was always the majority. Next, I asked, rhetorically, if they wore them because: 1) they were comfortable, 2) everyone else wore them which deemed them “cool,” or 3) because they believed they looked attractive on their feet. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t actually come right out and ridicule kids for their ugly footwear. It was a cute and funny poll, but I made my point. I have done my small part in eliminating crocs for the sake of the common good. In fact, this summer, I’ve only seen two or three campers wearing them. Perhaps the fad ran its course. Or perhaps my message rang true: “Sweetie, you don’t have to wear those anymore.”
This summer I’ve been thinking a lot about things we wear or carry around on the inside that are also kind of ugly or ill-fitting. Things like pride, anger, control, striving, unforgiveness, or even heaviness that isn’t ours to carry. We live with a lot of people in the summer… the staff, our family, and campers all in close quarters. This is a beautiful thing, but it’s also evident that when you invite a bunch of people to live in one place, you are also inviting their pain and brokenness. The baggage we carry around, whether we know it or not, whether it’s our fault or not, undoubtedly impacts everyone around us. We are all desperately in need of healing.
Psalm 19:12-13 reveals that we cannot even see all the ways we still need healing.
“But who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be blameless, innocent of great transgression.”
Some sin in our lives is as obvious as wearing crocs. (Hard to miss, especially when they have all those giblets in them). But other sin is not so obvious. It sits below the surface. It’s been engrained so long and been justified for so long that we don’t see it… until we do. Most of the time, it takes living in community with others for us to see and feel the weight of our own sin. Of all the many parenting books, podcasts, and seminars I’ve listened to over the years, the most important thing I’ve learned is how critical it is for parents to work through their own baggage. Children need their parents to be healthy and whole emotionally and spiritually in the same way they need them to be healthy physically… perhaps even more so. Our spouses, friends, and communities need the same thing.
Paul writes in Hebrews 12:1-2,
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
This “throwing off” of sin implies that we are not meant to stay in a place of “it’s all my parents’ fault.” We do indeed have agency to throw off our “secret and shameful ways,” to work through our addictions, anger, pride, and unhealthy thought patterns. We are able to walk the hard path of obedience for a future hope and joy. Why? Because it’s worth it and the world around us needs us to heal. Your children need you to… your friends and your family need you to. For their sakes and for your own sake.
“Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God.” - 2 Corinthians 4:2
In every stage of life, God is always leading us into a deeper healing and freedom. That’s the beauty of sanctification in the Christian walk. We are loved as we are by His grace, but He loves us too much to let us stay as we are. We must continue to yield to Him in the work He is doing, even when it’s hard and we don’t understand.
Most summers here seem to have a theme in terms of how God is moving in this place. Last summer was a summer of JOY and learning how to enjoy God’s goodness in new ways. (You can read more about that here.) Early on, I had a sense that this would be a summer of healing. I’m not quite sure why, but I felt expectant and hopeful about it. What I wasn’t quite ready to embrace was the acknowledgment of brokenness… in my own heart and in others. This is painfully necessary in order for said healing to take place. There were some pretty heavy weeks this summer. Weeks when the combined brokenness in others and in my own heart felt too much to bear. What happened to my summer of JOY and FUN like last summer? Can’t my lesson be to eat more gummy bears again? There were moments this summer when I felt like something was being stolen from me. Something to which I felt greatly entitled. My joy felt extremely dependent on the actions of others, the weather, and the health of my body. Instead of surrendering to natural and unexpected circumstances, trusting that God will meet me, I have a tendency to be quick to anger and blaming. If a sickness travels through all four of my kids one by one, then myself, Ross, and our staff, making an entire month challenging, I want to pinpoint and blame the source. Instead of seeing sickness as an opportunity to pray and receive strength from the Lord, I tend to resent the potential culprits for being so inconsiderate. I am a work in progress.
At end of Psalm 139, David writes,
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
This can be very painful. It’s not fun to look at what causes sadness, shame, and fear. Most of us “fade that” as our staff like to say (it means, “don’t like that”). But I promise you that a life of avoiding pain and shame and resorting to blame casting will only leave you stuck. After all, we are all the offended AND the offenders.
As I’m typing this, my kids are watching Moana, possibly the greatest Disney movie of all time. I’m once again deeply struck by the way Moana confronts the monster, Te Kā, head on. Her bravery paves the way for transformation… the monster turns back into a goddess, her diseased island—and ultimately her entire community—is healed. What if we could do that for ours? What would it look like for us to pave the way for our families, for our children, and for our friends? What does it look like to heal from what we can see and what we cannot see?
I have a couple of ideas.
1) Community. We need others to help us grow into who we were meant to be. It’s easy to justify everything under the sun, but what we really need is a community of believers pursuing holiness. Grace is essential. We need God’s grace in order to even breathe, but that’s not the end of our story. Grace is just the beginning. Church signs that say “come as you are” are needed, but continually leaving as you are is a sign that something’s missing. God is holy, and He wants us to be holy like him. We need community to pursue this together because of how counter-cultural it is. It can start with you paving the way for what healthy dating relationships look like, healthy marriages, healthy parenting, healthy friendships, healthy forgiveness, healthy resting and sabbathing, etc. Moana was just one girl standing at the edge of the water as long as she could remember, never really knowing why…until she did know. Then she went on to heal her entire community.
2) We need to sit at the feet of Jesus. Every morning, every evening, all throughout our day. Psalm 110:2 says
“Sit at my right hand until I make your enemies a footstool for your feet.”
Sitting with him requires humility and trust. There’s a closeness and safety there. Sitting at the Father’s right hand implies that we are taking our proper place as sons and daughters. We know who we are. (Moana’s big question too! To find out who she was). However, even when the enemy is a footstool for our feet, the enemy is still there. Our struggle may not disappear but it no longer has mastery over us. Moana had the bravery and courage to face her enemy, because she knew who she was and trusted her grandmother’s command to “go.” God may not remove our struggles when we cry out to Him, but we can allow our struggles to draw us closer to Him. We can let Him love us and give us the courage we need. After all, “the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down.” (Psalm 146:8)
I believe it’s through love that we are ultimately changed and able to throw off the “ugliness” in our lives and hearts. But not the superficial love that says, “those crocs look great on you!” even when it’s time to throw them in the trash. God’s love equips, inspires, and transforms us. The love of others also helps shape us into who we are meant to be…holy and righteous sons and daughters of the King. It feels good to be loved. But it can also feel terrible, when that love shows us how much we still need to be transformed. Likewise, our love for others inspires us to change and grow. This can be painful, but isn’t it beautiful to have people in our lives that actually need us to be healthy and whole? We were meant to be needed. We were meant to be healed. But this requires us to yield to the transforming work of the Spirit.
So don’t fight it or hide it. We are all in the same boat. We are all sinners in need of a Savior, but it’s only those who know they are sick who can truly be healed. You may not have the will power to take off those crocs and put on something more becoming. But thanks be to God He is endlessly patient and kind. As I just read at a dear friend’s wedding recently about God’s love for His children:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” - 1 Cor. 13:4-7
As we grow into His likeness, we too can take on this kind of love for others. Lord God, show us our hidden faults and give us courage to change. Heal us with your love and kindness so that we may help others heal. Amen.